runiclaw: (Default)
greetings all you out there in wounderland. it has been a Long time since i have posted here but until a few weeks ago not much had changed in my life. work play games rinse repeat. i have gotten a job as a armed secuirty officer, but am hoping this week that i will be changing that to work sales at the air port with a good friend of mine. better money, hours and more fun. but there has been one shining thing to note. made a new friend. the odd thing about it is that i had seen her on and off for years but it was not till a chance meetign at the Church that we became friends. one of the most interesting people to talk with i have found in a Long time. i have been getting to spend alot of time as of late helping Tommy another friend with his house. all and all been having a good time.
runiclaw: (Default)
well things here have been craptastic in ways i will not get into. after 2 months of hunting and damn near begging. i have a job. and not a moment too soon. if this last one did not pan out was going to cut the hair and go to security. would of had no other choice other then fast food. yes am That desperate that Taco bell is not out of pool.
But thats all past i just got a call back from Barns & Noble. i start tuesday. i will most likely have change phone carriers to get a pre paid one. so email me instead of texting if you would please. but since i only use about 100 mins a month should be good. None of you all want to talk to me anyhow. lol

i even had a place to live fall into my lap. a place that i will love bing at. some old friends of mine Tim & Kat have offered to let me move in to their spare room. so while i have been on the end of this rope holding on with with one hand feeling it slip with every passing day. my friends have showed me there are a few hand holds on the wall i did not see. i may be near the bottom now, but i know how to climb. thank you all for the warm thoughts and reminding me that things have been ruff before and i made it.
runiclaw: (Default)
yes feeling very "Hoodwinked" right now. after a month of nothing got a call back about a job the starts Now. and is corp. 15ph, (ok not Great but good enough) cust serv for place in flower mound. 8-5 no weekends or holidays. going to Hate getting up early for that but do what i have too. so far this year is shaping up to my best in a LONG time, wish me Luck. 
runiclaw: (Default)
man life this past few weeks has been odd but good. a quick update, i lost my job last month and am now going to have to move soon. not sure where yet. will see what comes up on the job front. have been applying all over the place but no call backs. will see what happens, for some odd reason i am not worried. just Feels like they have me in a holding pattern till where they want me opens up. like i said odd.

want to the Church with Tommy on Thurs. and that was an expericane. right off the bat i saw one of my ex's that i know hates me. but kept my distance as to not bother her and all seemed good. a friend warned me my ex Sharon would be there as well. but Nothing prepared me for seeing her again. at least this time she did not do the glide up to me like a ghost from my past. ~was really woundering if my mind had just snapped that time~ she seems to be doing good. found out she was in town to be the Priestess for some friends Bill and Tam's wedding. which seeing them was another shocker.
it was funny Tommy and others thought seeing everyone might be a downer, but as i told Sharon right now my life is fairly hard. and i know the Lady was just reminding me that there where Great times in my past as well as the pain of this past few years. Sharon if you wounder past this. Thanks, my only regret is that i did not have more time to talk.
runiclaw: (Default)
there is a common think that happends to Anyone who is in the tech field. you make a seemingly innocent comment that comes back to you. back in 95 the first of the 1gig HDs where comming out. i looked at a friend of mine and said "One GIG!, wow what would you ever do to fill that!!"
yeah, about 4 years later he sent me a 1gig picture.

a few months ago i saw my first look at a 8gigapix picture. but did not bring it home till i head the on disk size 1.2 Terabyte.... have fun this is scary and amazing all in one shot
runiclaw: (Default)
it has been a long while since i have posted. not much has been going on. I had a great visit with my friend Leah from San fran area. wish had more time to do fun things with her here. work is  annoying but always is. most of my office is now looking for work else where. i am coming up to 1 year in a few weeks and am fairly sure will not be here in another year. will see where it goes. a man i knew and respected from a long time back died this week. he was found in him home after being missing a week. to be honest this scares the hell out of me. has always been a fear of mine to die alone. i do not fear death, but just do not want to pass alone, yes i am odd. on the tail end of that i got word my mother had been looking for me. on the Hopes i could re connect with my sister i called her to see how she was doing. nothing ever changes for them, she moved to FL and are happy there. got my sisters # and she is still in Dallas. but after a call to her it seem she no longer wants anything to do with me. her husband called me and told me in no uncertain terms i am never to contact her again. seems she still feels i abandoned them when i moved out. she was the last reason i had to want anything to do with that side of my family. to be honest i am hurt/shocked/numb. Time moves on. with the coming of the New year. i guess it is time for me to start cutting again. there are a lot of things from my past i have held on in a desperate Hope that may haps one day i could get Something back of what once was. there are a few people on here and myspace who are Friends only because of that. i am going to start cutting these away. if you get cut and still feel we are friends call me or message me and i will know that it was not just my own frail Hopes and there is a friendship there.
on a better note. there are a lot of rocky shows coming up this week and next that are going to be a blast. if you missed the Alice show 2 weeks ago you missed a Lot of Fun stuff.  come see us and cheer us on.
runiclaw: (Default)
sorry i have not updated in far too long, but to be honest all has been sailing fairly smooth. is kind of creepy. started playing in one of Cheshire's games. is a fun mix of all the whitewolf systems. not sure we could get more of a odd mix of characters, is Great. started slowly working out again. mostly just cardio. nothing great but is a start. had gotten up to 3 miles on elliptical, but started running on a track this morn and 1 mile almost did me in. i Know i have to take it slow, but is annoying. goal by end of the year is 2 miles in 14min and stamina up to running 5 miles. the biggest problem is the getting up at 7am. who ever invented mornings before noon should of been shot!. some one recommended the Irish approach. you get a pint for every lap you run. anyone want to join me?
runiclaw: (Default)
ever have one of those days where you sit down a reread a journal that spans a few years? is interesting to see what was happening at the time and how oyu felt. i always like to add what i am working towrds. mostly ends up being a mark fro "wow that never happend..." Life seems to be going fairly well, is kind of a odd feeling. i am still getting by by the skin of my teeth money wise, but at the same time am not worried. my pool of friends has grown so much since last year alone its staggering. i had tryed to start doing the Church more, but money crashed that for now. with luck will get back into that by next month. started a soc night at my house on sundays. will have sword sparing, some hand to hand. also trying to get people to do a dance class. then dinner and odd movies. need to get better selection. we did donnie darko last week. was ok, but alittle slow. any idea?
there is talk about moving me to the am shift, that would SUCK...if that happens will move it to sat night. who knows, may even add the hooka to the movie part. have been wanting to get a hooka for some time.
runiclaw: (Default)
life has been interesting as of late. started playing Riff again at Rocky was told turned out well. can not wait for the pics. getting back into the show was one of the better thoughts i have had in a Long time. the people there are cool and getting me to hang out. for me thats a odd concept. A-kon was ok. again i made more friends there this year. has been a Very good year for that. other then work and rocky not much going on in life. started going back to the church and get this dancing. yeah dont faint.
runiclaw: (Default)
Jennie is the artist that does
among about 10 others. i am bringing her in for A-Kon this year and am havign a meet and greet party for her at my place on wends 30th at about 8pm. it will be BYOB but i will be braking into the rum cask and if you can bring food stuffs. i will have some but can not feed 50+ people. there will be boffer fighting if you want to bring blades. message me if you want to come and will give you the address.
runiclaw: (Default)
this weekend was Very nice. mostly due to great conversation. i got to learn a lot about some people on my cast. roommate decided to go clean happy. which was cool, but short lived. he got a new kit table, and living room set. so going to see about giving the old one to a friend. i have come to relize that the day of of Hell i had last week was kind of a good thing. it showed me that there are still those out there that will laugh along with me when things are ruff. work is still just that. i do not have much to complain about other then the permotion i was told i would get last month is still not open. the search for a mate is not that bad off, still have not had a date, but is not bleak eather. there are a few things on my plate but do not think any will pan out. i am looking for a Mate. is kind of funny as i realized last night that a few people i was thinking about would not work. i want someone as strong as i. but who does not think they can run me over. is a hard line to walk. a partnership of equals. am sure i will find it someday.
runiclaw: (Default)

so after the start of this week id has droned on. not Near as bad. and can not really compline. to everyone who sent me well wishes Thank you. knowing there are those out there that care means alot.  i started off with low grade feaver this morn, but trudged in the office any how. took 2 BC packs and the fever broke and i am fine. even with how this week started i am going to get it back on track. have been thinking of trying to do the faire this weekend if anyone wants to join.

runiclaw: (Default)

first off i am sorry the past post sounded so emo. is that what i really sound like? damn suprised you all ahve not choaked me by now.

last night was craptastic though.
i had a emotionaly ruff day at work kind of making me feel alittle emo. so thought movie and a beer. had not seen spiderman 3 yet....
can get no one to go with me. 5 people where busy. ok fine i still want to see it. get there nad have a hour wait so sit at the bar and have a light dinner and beer as so i can eat in the movie. they are playing Heros. Sweet means i do not ahve to wait till today to see it on the net. nope...
the music was so loud i could not hear it. ask him to turn it down since i am the only one there. cool no problem! 30 mins later as the show ends he turns it down....
bugger it. movie time. i go get a seat and wait for a server to get  a menu as there are no more in the theater. hum, their taking orders around me. i try to flag a server twice. no luck. at this point i am cking my Bo, trying to see why i am being advoided. no luck.
get up and go to the server stand to catch one. gives me a hard time and tells me to go to the bar and get a menu. ok.... bars closed and all menus are being washed. fuck it, will hit taco bell on way home.

now dont get me wrong, the movie was good. but was not in the right mid frame for it. the heavy charged emotional things he was dealing with hit alot of my keys. and with the puppys laughing at him for it made me want to start ripping things.

ok, is midnight just going to go home and sleep. that will help.


i get 1 block from the court i live on, i can see my road.
some one hit the gas main and was gushing gas. i mean i could hear the roar of it this had been flowing for 30 mins he says. ok i wait. getting hungery again so go to ihop to get food. food sucks. i have little gang bangers on one side and hard core country rednecks on the other throwing insults at each other...and me, the long hair freak in the middle. i just wnat my food and coffee not a fight...

ok bugger this, going to see if i can get into my house now. as it starts to Pour.

i get there and still can not get in. the gas compony has not even shown up and the line is Still gushing gas. they must of lost a few millions of gallons.
there is a creek that runs near my house. the guy next door says, hey we can walk in that way. they said was ok....
a mile hike in the down pour we get to the creek, is flooded with crap. wade up to my house. at this point all i can think about is a bed and to get dry. its 3am.

get in and roomate is still sleeping. he had ignored them when they came to vac the area.
i dont wake him.
i just go to bed.
called in sick this morn as i Still can not get out of my court and am feeling sick from breathing fumes all night.

so long story short (too late) yesterday was buggered.

runiclaw: (Default)

This letter was written by Charles Grennel and his comrades who are veterans of the Global War On Terror. Grennel is an Army Reservist who spent two years in Iraq and was a principal in putting together the first Iraq elections, January of 2005.


It was written to Jill Edwards, a student at the University of Washington who did not want to honor Medal of Honor winner USMC Colonel Greg Boyington.


Ms. Edwards and other students (and faculty) do not think those who serve in the U.S. armed services are good role models.


To:               Edwards, Jill (student, UW)

Subject:       Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs


Miss Edwards, I read of your "student activity" regarding the proposed memorial to Col. Greg Boyington, USMC and a Medal of Honor winner. I suspect you will receive a bellyful of angry e-mails from conservative folks like me.


You may be too young to appreciate fully the sacrifices of generations of servicemen and servicewomen on whose shoulders you and your fellow students stand. I forgive you for the untutored ways of youth and your naiveté. It may be that you are, simply, a sheep. There's no dishonor in being a sheep - - as long as you know and accept what you are.


William J. Bennett, in a lecture to the United States Naval Academy November 24, 1997 said: "Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident." We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep.


Then there are the wolves and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy. Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial.


Then there are sheepdogs and I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf. If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the unchartered path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.


We know that the sheep live in denial, that is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids' schools. But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid's school. Our children are thousands of times more likely to be killed or seriously injured by school violence than fire, but the sheep's only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their child is just too hard, and so they chose the path of denial.


The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, can not and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheep dog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours. Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn't tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports, in camouflage fatigues, holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, "Baa." Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.


The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough high school students, and under ordinary circumstances they would not have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel those clinging, sobbing kids off of them.


This is how the little lambs feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door. Look at what happened after September 11, 2001 when the wolf pounded hard on the door. Remember how America, more than ever before, felt differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it is just what you choose to be. Also understand that a sheepdog is a funny critter: He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night, and yearning for a righteous battle. That is, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they move to the sound of the guns when needed, right along with the young ones. Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, "Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference." You want to be able to make a difference. There is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, but he does have one real advantage. Only one. And that is that he is able to survive and thrive in an environment that destroys 98 percent of the population.


There was research conducted a few years ago with individuals convicted of violent crimes. These cons were in prison for serious, predatory crimes of violence: assaults, murders and killing law enforcement officers. The vast majority said that they specifically targeted victims by body language: slumped walk, passive behavior and lack of awareness. They chose their victims like big cats do in Africa, when they select one out of the herd that is least able to protect itself. Some people may be destined to be sheep and others might be genetically primed to be wolves or sheepdogs. But I believe that most people can choose which one they want to be, and I'm proud to say that more and more Americans are choosing to become sheepdogs.


Seven months after the attack on September 11, 2001, Todd Beamer was honored in his hometown of Cranbury, New Jersey. Todd, as you recall, was the man on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania who called on his cell phone to alert an operator from United Airlines about the hijacking. When they learned of the other three passenger planes that had been used as weapons, Todd and the other passengers confronted the terrorist hijackers. In one hour, a transformation occurred among the passengers - athletes, business people and parents -- from sheep to sheepdogs and together they fought the wolves, ultimately saving an unknown number of lives on the ground.


"There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men." - Edmund Burke. Here is the point I like to emphasize, especially to the thousands of police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves. They didn't have a choice.


But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be whatever you want to be. It is a conscious, moral decision. If you want to be a sheep, then you can be a sheep and that is okay, but you must understand the price you pay. When the wolf comes, you and your loved ones are going to die if there is not a sheepdog there to protect you. If you want to be a wolf, you can be one, but the sheepdogs are going to hunt you down and you will never have rest, safety, trust or love. But if you want to be a sheepdog and walk the warrior's path, then you must make a conscious and moral decision every day to dedicate, equip and prepare yourself to thrive in that toxic, corrosive moment when the wolf comes knocking at the door.


This business of being a sheep or a sheep dog is not a yes-no dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees, a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-sand-sheep and on the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the other. Most of us live somewhere in between.


Since 9-11 almost everyone in America took a step up that continuum, away from denial. The sheep took a few steps toward accepting and appreciating their warriors, and the warriors started taking their job more seriously. Its ok to be a sheep, but do not kick the sheep dog. Indeed, the sheep dog may just run a little harder, strive to protect a little better and be fully prepared to pay an ultimate price in battle and spirit with the sheep moving from "baa" to "thanks".


We do not call for gifts or freedoms beyond our lot. We just need a small pat on the head, a smile and a thank you to fill the emotional tank which is drained protecting the sheep. And when our number is called by "The Almighty", and day retreats into night, a small prayer before the heavens just may be in order to say thanks for letting you continue to be a sheep. And be grateful for the thousands - - millions - - of American sheepdogs who permit you the freedom to express even bad ideas.



runiclaw: (Default)
runiclaw: (Default)
have not made any updates in a long while. for that, ehh, nothing great to anounce. got back on the Rocky cast and that has been Very intersting. alot has changed and stayed the same at the same time. the people who joined after i left for the most part are fairly cool. the drama factor is as always fairly high, but i do not play with this much so can deal. i jsut sit back and see how it runs. 
Work is the same old thing, still like the job but this place has Issues. mostly jsut with how they run things. i did not get the permotion i wanted because they can now not afford to add me on to that department. hoping by july. the house is still going good. Adem is now perm living there, which is not bad, jsut different. moved to the back bedroom which gives me alot more space, now just need to finish clearing his things out and fully making it mine. have been lazy on that. 
got a Very odd email today, which to be honest promted me to update. Someone out there gave me a paid account for a year. ok...Thank? if it was to get me to update more offten poke me and let me know. 
other then that jsut getting ready to ramp up for kon. is about 5 weeks and ahve LOTS to do. i am still bringing Jennie in so if oyu want to come to the dinner for her on Wends  may 30th will be a pot luck type of thing so bring what you can and let me know your comming. 
enough random rambaling,


Apr. 20th, 2007 02:24 pm
runiclaw: (Default)

sorry but a rant before i update. 
in this world there many thigns we need more of, but Hate we have in abundance. and i do not just mean the intolerance of your fellow man to pray as they wish, or dress as they wish. i mean the flat out HATE that only comes when you ahve to go to the farthest depths of your soul and strike a person in a way as to not only hurt them but everyone around them. this group that i listed above not only falls in the area, but hammers it like few i have ever known. these people are the same ones who protest our fallen soldiers. i may not agree with the "War" but i hold these men and women in the Hightest of regards. they Died doing what they could to try and keep us safe. they did not just write thier names on a paper in protest. they gave thier very lives. for that the Least we could do is allow them thier peace to morn how they see fit. is that asking to much? this is something i would have thought was a common curtasy. but i guess i ask too much of my fellow Man. these people are not content to protest us by doing the soldiers. everyone is fair game. remeber the Amish killings. few thigsn have ever pulled at my heart as reading the serviors recounts of the first little girl walking up and saying "kill me first" to by her friends and family a few more minutes of life. then seeing him kill her, another walked up... would you do that? Could you. but are they held up as  the decent people they are? now thier way of life is far from what i would call ideal. but they are NOT vilolent. a blind puppy would put up more of a fight then they do. but that is thier way. they are also intolerant of homosexuality. but does WBC give them the dignaty they would anynone else. no they where going to protest them.... the only thing that stopped them was a radio host that offered to let them have a hour on his show to say whatever they wanted to jsut leave them alone. let them greave in peace. 
Now thier new target. the VT killings....

runiclaw: (Default)

after much thought and encourageing friends deceide to post this.

Deep eyes
"Its Time to work on that..." I look up questioning as to her intent as something small and warm is trust into my arms. Not something, but someone. Small but Old. I can do this. Just sit here and hold him. Nothing more. Nope. Nothing more. I am not going to think. Not going to Remember. Not going to look down... Crap... He had shifted and I reacted. Is he comfortable? humm, raise his head, yeah, that's better. Still asleep? Ok all is good. No its not. As I was looking at him he opened his eyes. He looks at me with the laze of a babe, but I see far more. There is the past and what I had longed to hold. The smile that would warm your soul. The hands that would hold me. I look back almost expecting to see my sons brown eyes staring at me. But is just his, looking into my soul. Holding me pinioned with their gentle force. There is no accusation. No judgment. Only warm acceptance that I will hold him safe for now as his eyes drift back to sleep. I sit there stuck. Staggered. Thinking. Could we have done it differently? Should I have pushed to get my way? No. We made a decision. Not one either of us wanted. A large part of both of us died that day. I still feel like a shell. Empty. Alone. In time may haps it will be filled again. For now I sit here and hold him tight with tears in my eyes and sleep.

Arron von Blackwolf

runiclaw: (Default)
you know i know i am at fault for this. i should of tryed to make payments but have not been well enough employed in a long time.  just got a letter from the IRS. the 800$ tax return i had been planing on is not coming. seems they can not take my tax returns and apply it to out dated student loans. i know i should be paying on it but have not be able. mainly when it has gone from 12k that i owed to 26 in the past few years. i will be fine for the most part, have to kite a few bills, but what hurts most is i now ahve to tell a lass i can not loan her money. i hate hurting people's feelings. mainly wwhen i said i would be able to help. just...bugger....
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