runiclaw

after much thought and encourageing friends deceide to post this.

Deep eyes
"Its Time to work on that..." I look up questioning as to her intent as something small and warm is trust into my arms. Not something, but someone. Small but Old. I can do this. Just sit here and hold him. Nothing more. Nope. Nothing more. I am not going to think. Not going to Remember. Not going to look down... Crap... He had shifted and I reacted. Is he comfortable? humm, raise his head, yeah, that's better. Still asleep? Ok all is good. No its not. As I was looking at him he opened his eyes. He looks at me with the laze of a babe, but I see far more. There is the past and what I had longed to hold. The smile that would warm your soul. The hands that would hold me. I look back almost expecting to see my sons brown eyes staring at me. But is just his, looking into my soul. Holding me pinioned with their gentle force. There is no accusation. No judgment. Only warm acceptance that I will hold him safe for now as his eyes drift back to sleep. I sit there stuck. Staggered. Thinking. Could we have done it differently? Should I have pushed to get my way? No. We made a decision. Not one either of us wanted. A large part of both of us died that day. I still feel like a shell. Empty. Alone. In time may haps it will be filled again. For now I sit here and hold him tight with tears in my eyes and sleep.

Arron von Blackwolf