the shearing is on March 26th at the Trinity hall pub.
(yes the wolf is getting sheared, let the jokes begin)
i am really not good about asking for help even for things like this that are great causes, but i am down to one month to get the donations i want to hit the goal. i do not get anything for this but the knowledge that i did the best i could to help these kids.
So this is the part were i drop to a knee and say Please help me raise money for this kids cancer fund. even if it is 1$ of 100$ every bit helps.
also as a side note, i will take the highest donation out to dinner Anywhere in DFW they like. or will donate 200$ in your name at the event if your out of the area.
so please donate what you can and share the link.
ehh no real effects and needs rum. well most drinks need rum
i have been trying different combination of energy drinks to try and find Something that will wake me up on a long shift and not taste like elephant taint.
so far nothing works. got stupid the other day and did 2 16oz redbull and a redline mixed in a glass and drank in five mins. nothing. i took a nape after an hour.
for the most part really can not complain. if things go well on tues i am going to try and join a morning yoga class. i can go right after i get off in the mornings, will ware me out i hope so i can sleep better and REALLY need to regain some of my flexibility. heres to Hope?
for about a week straight it seemed the old saying about "no good deed goes unpunished" was how things wanted to play out. if i helped someone i got smacked. it was almost like the powers that be were playing. "ok, how long can we keep this up and he will Still try to help people..."
one example. friend has phone stolen, i loan him funds to get a new one. come home THAT NIGHT and my power supply on the PC is blown. dont have funds to get it fix. things like this go on for next week. car popped a cooling hose, lots of odd things. final one left me going "really? how can i not stop to help..."
it was pouring down rain as i was driving home from getting rent money order and there is this lady walking home with like a dozen bags of groceries and a large bag of cat litter. i pull over give her a ride home and help her carry in. driving home i was yelling "ok asshats, how are you going to get me over that one!?!" we start leaving for Dragon Con for my first vacation in, well ever. we have minor mishap after another delaying us leaving for 4 hours. but we get it going and are off. we pull into a gas station about 8:30am after being on the road all night and i call to check on my paycheck deposit which has hit at this time for past 9 months....
"your balance is 1.55$..."
humm, maybe its the time difference and will be there at 9:30.
"your balance is 1.55$..."
call HR and they say it has gone out so dont be worried. Dont be worried...
i am almost to Con. now with no money in GA....
i worried. ALOT.
we get there and all is going ok. money hit 5 mins late the next day just to give one last kick to the danglies.
Con was great. got the chance to hang out and talk with old friends i have not had the chance to in a Long time. made a few new ones. was tackled by vampires (gave blood)
all and all a good time was had by all. get home and get the car moving again. get the power supply fixed and now net is crashing out. come to find out this is going to be an up and down thing till Dec, o wait. the End of Dec at earliest. there are only two ISPs i can get here Clear or Time Warner...NOT doing the beast again.
next week goes well. got the chance to hang out with a friend i had wanted to get to know better for some time and we have become better friends. went to hang out with some friends at an event i have wanted to go to for a Long time and had a great time. one of the Co host hands me a Really pretty gun to look at which re started my Really want to learn more about guns mindset. man has far better luck then any 3 people should have. i thought BJ was bad, but damn lol.
all and all had the best night i have had in about a year or so. i was great seeing friends and getting to get better acquainted with new ones.
get back and get the power
"Its Time to work on that..." I look up questioning as to her intent as something small and warm is trust into my arms. Not something, but someone. Small but Old. I can do this. Just sit here and hold him. Nothing more. Nope. Nothing more. I am not going to think. Not going to Remember. Not going to look down... Crap... He had shifted and I reacted. Is he comfortable? humm, raise his head, yeah, that's better. Still asleep? Ok all is good. No its not. As I was looking at him he opened his eyes. He looks at me with the laze of a babe, but I see far more. There is the past and what I had longed to hold. The smile that would warm your soul. The hands that would hold me. I look back almost expecting to see my sons brown eyes staring at me. But is just his, looking into my soul. Holding me pinioned with their gentle force. There is no accusation. No judgment. Only warm acceptance that I will hold him safe for now as his eyes drift back to sleep. I sit there stuck. Staggered. Thinking. Could we have done it differently? Should I have pushed to get my way? No. We made a decision. Not one either of us wanted. A large part of both of us died that day. I still feel like a shell. Empty. Alone. In time may haps it will be filled again. For now I sit here and hold him tight with tears in my eyes and sleep.
Rhythms on the Wind
I guess I felt the sound before i heard it, flowing through the forest like a river. As it crashed into me i became swept away in a current of odd yet alluring rhythms. The was a unspoken promise of an even stranger delight that lay at it's source.
The sight I beheld was one of grand wounder. A large group of people in a circle of wagons were having a celebration of sorts. The wondrous music that had lured me in was coupled with the sounds of the people singing and dancing. The dancers were what caught my eye: when the moved there was flow of color and light as the swirled in a rhythmic patter that was alien, yet familiar to me.
The she caught my eye. It was a young woman, 18 or 19 may haps. She moved as though she had convinced the wind itself to dance with her, then added a little of her own passionate fire. A she moved faster with the sounds i found my own heart pounding in the maddening flow.
She looked around in the midst of the fury and gazed straight into my eyes. I fought to run before i wa further discovered, but could not free myself from that enchantress' powerful gaze. While i stood frozen in my hiding spot, a slow smile spread across her face. As her movements quickened I felt myself being pulled into the camp. I reached the rig of people I knew they would stop me, but they just moved aside and let me pass. Like they too felt her pull and did not want to break the spell.
I fell to my knees when i reached her and stared up at her as she moved in a swaying motion. She reached out with her hand and brushed my cheek. There was fire and ice in her touch. I felt like her fingers had seared my flesh and sent shivers through my very soul. She backed up a smiled again, then started a new rhythm when the sounds changed. she seem to flow around me while i sat helpless to even think. I noticed the rest of her for the first time. I saw the flow of colors as she moved. Her dress and blouse were a flame; the oranges and reds clung to her form. They revealed a side of her that made my blood feel as if it was being consumed in a great blaze and i myself would burst into flames any moment.
All of a sudden the music hit a new beat. She dove forward and embraced me in her arms and gently caressed my lips with hers, quenching the flames. A voice cried out that she was consuming my soul, but i refused to heed its words. She was giving me more pleasure then i had ever dreamed possible. If kissing her was to be my death, then i was truly kissing an Angel and was willing to go into the silent blackness to remain in her embrace.
Slowly she pulled away after what seemed a lifetime and spoke a sole word in my ear, "Jewel", her name. The sound echoed like a hundred angels whispered at once. When the beat started again it was a slow gentle rhythm. Jewel lay down on the ground next to me and we fell asleep. When i awoke the next day it was all gone. The wagons, the people, Everything was gone, except the remains of a smoldering fire and a scrap of red and orange cloth in my had.
I watch the flickering light off the coals and see the color lighten to a pale yellow glow. Smiling I remove the soft tender rod and lay her gently on the cold steel bed. warmly I watch the cooling lines begin to form as I raise high and strike one hard swing to feel her yielding to me. I set the rhythm, slow and steady. not to fast. stronger we push harder faster. strong, hard, the pounding only a soft ringing of laughter in my ears. sweat steaming down my body. never daring to let up. muscles screaming in protest, I scream in heat. change positions. softer, caressing, almost there. cool down. relax, smile. we're not done yet. final form. start slow work up to it. There, feel the edge form. faster faster. deeper deeper. till we explode in a finishing light. soft caresses to bring a sheen. the lady smiles in a sharp knowing smile.
no on to the part i did not like. the Dog. when i was approached about doing the dog i said No. it would be a conflict since i considered Ches and i friends. after looking at the people that wanted it though and why i said i would no do it but my group babbage would. it was set up that they would provide all the entertainment and Stacy, who had done this for years in the past, would deal with the getting funds for just mixers and we would have people bring in their left over booze. simple huh?
so much for plans.
what happened was that a few days before kon i find out that Stacy will not be handling it and may not be at kon at all. that meant that i had to ask people to bring what they could for booze make sure the room was ready.
All weekend i kept telling people that this still was not my party that Babbage was doing it. i collected no money or anything for it till on sunday when someone came to me at the kiosk and asked where the kitty for Dog was. seems i had forgot something in all of this me not doing the party. Someone now had to get the mixers and stuff. i had about 5 people bring me funds for this so i talked a few friends into making the mix run. i had No idea what was needed so i talked to a few people and got ideas. i get everything there and set up and find out that i had not communicated well with babbage on what was needed from them. i had thought they would provide all the entertainment and the people manning the bar and door. Nope, ok we can do this. i found people willing to man it and got started. Towa and Jamil both stepped up and helped a Lot at this point helping me get it ready and started entertaining people with stories from kon. the rest that went on over the night was a lot of good and bad. there was no major drama(and i use that loosely) and no one vomited. there where more then a few things that happened that i am not happy with (like someone being brought up when he was not there to defend himself) and if i am allowed to even think of doing this again a lot will be different. with all the complaints i have gotten about i am not sure. at this point i have NO idea why anyone would want this party. my interests in it where to see the party live on and everyone have a good time. several people said it would be my undoing and one even said let it fail. but i could not do that. too many people put way too much into this weekend not to get a little something back. Mary takes her heads to Kobe. what about the little guys? we worked hard to. in the end i got a few thanks and a lot of people unhappy. some things i did wrong where from just not knowing (cleaning the room after, what to do with the food and left over booze ect) and a lot where because i was not controlling things as i should of. in the end this monster became mine even though i did not want it.
Why does anyone Want it? i Thought this was about everyone getting together for a beer and relaxing after it was over.
in the end i most likely lost a friend over it and have people i care about (and several i dont) who are pissed at me. But what am i sitting here doing? thinking of how to correct this if i do it again. a lot of my problems came from not taking charge of it and instead tried to sit back and let it happen so i could say it was not My party. Next year i will make all kinds of new mistakes but i will learn from what these showed me.
as a friend told me i dug this grave so i will deal with it.
As the Wheels move and the rivers flow we are cast about in a whorl wind that we call Life. This something i have been working on regaining for a long time. I have tried many times in the past 8 years to get back on track. Each time I do it because I Know I need to but in the end i break again and fall back down the well. For the first time since then I Feel ready and They seem to agree. Over the past few days of this New Year it has been one thing after another. I have gotten a new job that is paying me fairly well. That alone was a wonderful thing that had me dancing. But then everything started changing. For once it was for the better. Shockingly so. It started with going to a club one night with Batt, Josiphine and Mike. was the standard night of me playing corner watcher when people who for a long time that have hated me started coming up to say hay and some even gave me a hug. Shocked me stupid. Now I am not a person who holds a grudge. I just back off and give them space as I do not like to cause drama. At one point a lass I have known for a while but always seemed kind of distant comes up and give me a hug and starts introducing me to her friends. Then she takes me to the dance floor. "Lass I don't dance" I told her but she just smiled and took me out any how. The music changed to a eastern style of rhythm. And I started dancing. Ok, my moves do not compare to some I know out there (Matt) but I was having a blast. Long go dance was something I Loved. I danced with the renn group every chance I could. Same with singing. Something I am Not good at but I like it and makes me happy. When the dance was over she gave me a hug and for once in 8 years I Felt alive. Is very hard to explain but that started a cascade of things. That night I was sitting at my computer thinking about things and looking at the card my old priestess had given me the night I left England. I was thinking I should try and write her and see how she was doing and ask for aid in finding my path again. The next thing I know I have a friends request from her on face book. That was the last piece I needed. Next week I start working out with a trainer twice a week with a goal of dropping 50 lbs by my birthday (oct 17). I enrolled in Dervy to get my BA in tech integrations admin. Just to name a few. it sounds corny but for once again I can see the Light in me life and Know I am here again with a purpose.
To those who have kept me moving and alive for these past 8 years i can never show you how much your friendship has meant to me. To those who stand with me now it is going to be an interesting ride.
Has been a Long while and guess I should remind people (the few who read this) and myself of what has transpired. Last I spoke here I had just lost a really great man. He was a good mate to and one who has been missed. But the rock we call Terra Firma has continued to keep in her oblong orbit and we must move as well. Work has not changed much other then I have added a lot more hours. I am as of right now working from 6am -2:30pm at one job and 3-4pm-9pm at the other and some sats as well, just for flavor. You know in case I was board. Gods forbid I have a social life. But now that I say that I Do have more of one then I have had in Years. Am with a gaming group on every other Sunday with some of my close friends. Friends, has become an abstract concept. There are a lot of people I know, and who know me. But Friends? There are a few. I have just left a good group of them at my Rocky cast. With working so much I cannot afford the sleep or gas to get there and back every sat. My energy at the shows has been low and they do not disserve less than 100% of what I can give. Hopefully I will get back at some point. I was dating a lass, but after a few months we drifted apart and now are just friends. I am still living with Tim and Kat. Playing wow and War when I can, and just getting by. Let’s hope everything picks up soon, or I will fall asleep.
Kindness does Not, and let me repeat that bit for you kiddies NOT have to be done only in a church, or cost you a lot or anything like that. it can be a smile at a stranger having a bad day. it could be just listening to a friend, an i mean Really listening to them. not doing your check book or thinking about last nights date. a simple hug could mean the world to someone you care for.
if you read this and think i am full of shit say so. if not next time you see me or someone you care for give them a hug. its not much and in our money hard times they are the best price. Free.
Arron von Blackwolf
We where coming over a ridge when the smell struck me. A new pack in the area. Being just us was getting dangerous, too many times we where just getting by. A pack would offer safety and family. We approached slowly so see what was happening in the clearing. To my amazement it was not just a pack but several. We had stumbled into a gather. We approach shyly and on guard but find we are welcomed by most there. After a long drink in the lake that the gathering is at I look around for Shining star to see she is talking and having a good time with a few of the younger males. They jump and prance trying to show they are the best one to take her attentions. I stay in the area but am not worried. They are young but will not replace me. after talking to a few of the other packs alphas and Primes it seems this is a regular meeting where Lone’s could come and find a new place. I keep a close eye on Shining but she is handling herself well. Most of what is here is just young pups. There is one over on the side that limps in and looks around. He seems fairly well respected but something is odd. He keeps snapping at some who are around him. He is full of a Hate that you can feel, but does not seem to be a bad person. As we leave that night there is an odd feel to the air. Shining seems distracted, but does not want to talk about it. The next night I wake to find her gone. I go in search to find her talking to odd alpha from the other night. As I walk up shining spins and lunges at me. “back off!” confused I step back and ask what is going on. “This is my Mate. Respect him as such.” I am confused and a little hurt but respect her wishes and move back. “if you wish it he can join us” She helps and cleans him up and they move off. I stretch out and think about the night. I am not happy but if he makes her happy who am I to question it. After a few days I start to follow her sent to make sure she is safe. It is not hard to find but I am not pleased with what I find. She is sick and not eaten well. There are a few other members of his pack here. They are kind but very docile. He rules them with but something does not feel right. After scouting around their den it does not look like he has hunt in days. The others do some but it is barely enough to keep them going. I look at shining and see she is hungry. I go back to my den and grab some of the deer I was saving for dinner and take it to her. It is not much but will keep her going. Leaving it where she can find it I move back to give them space. She comes over and swallows it almost whole. It tears my heart to see her so in need. After she goes back to him and cuddles up and seems content. He seems to fill her emotionally in a way I can only guess I could not.
A few nights later we are all out exploring a new area and things start to feel wrong. The area feels full of hate and discontent. Some things have been done here to foul the land for years. We move around the area and are about to leave when something slams into Shining and her Mate slamming them to the ground. Her Mate yells and starts running after the entity. What ever it is is feeding of his anger and rage. I go after him and end up having to slam him to the ground to get his attention. “I do not follow you!” he screams at me trying to get around me to get at the thing. “No you don’t, but you left your Mate unprotected. She should always be your first thought.” He get ready to pounce and I just look at him and watch. After a few heart beats he backs down and goes back to Shining. She is better but still no breathing well. We take her and his pack back to the clearing to recover. I am upset with how things went so I stay to the side with my own thoughts. Everyone goes on about how great he is but I only see a pup that almost died trying to be bravado. I will keep him alive no matter what for no other reason then she cares for him, but what is the price? After a time Shining comes to me to talk. “Never challenge him again! He is a Alpha and strong.!” She yells at me. I shake my head and try to get her to see what I have seen, but it does no good. I am the one who was in the wrong she says, and am now out cast. I am very hurt by this and stay on the side as she feeds the others of the pack and then leaves me with a bare glance back. I limp back to my den and nurse you hurt. What can I do? I will Not let her be hurt if I can avoid it. Her happiness means more to me then my own life and soul. She is my Prime. No matter what others females join my pack she will always stand first among them.
A few days later I find her alone and winded. She has run from a long way off and is tired. I get her over to the waters edge and watch over her as she drinks. She seems not as angry with me but it is still there. What am I to do? Her Mate and his pack come up to take her away with them and I step back. She nuzzles him and smiles. As she is leaving she comes over and rubs my face, alls well in my world.